"I Cannot Be" (Post Malone) About Ashlen Diaz Breakup? + Feeling Suffocated by Expectations
While a number of songs on Post Malone's Twelve Carat Toothache sound like they're about a relationship, many are about other things once you dive deeper into them.
For instance, Love/Hate Letter To Alcohol legitimately sounds like it's about a girlfriend, until you pay attention to the title, only to realize the song is entirely about alcohol.
Reputation is another song that I feel is like this. While it sounds like it's about his boo, I personally believe the "person" he's talking to is actually his audience/fans.
This is a common writing convention that I see nowadays - specifically, making a song sound like it's a love song about a boyfriend/girlfriend at face value, when it's really about something or someone else entirely.
It makes the song more marketable, more relatable to those who are only looking for a surface level song, while still allowing the artist the creative flexibility to get their thoughts and emotions out there about less marketable topics.
When you dive deep, or when the artist explains the song's meaning, it becomes apparent the song has nothing to do with romantic love and is really about something else.
Demi Lovato's Stone Cold (which is a song Demi wrote about her relationship with her father) and Halsey's More (a song Halsey wrote about an unborn child she's hoping she'll one day have) are two songs that immediately come to mind as perfect examples of this.
That being said, Post Malone's I Cannot Be (A Sadder Song), I do believe to be a song about an individual he's in a relationship with, due to a few things in particular: the fact that he outright talks about a diamond ring, addresses a "she" within the lyrics, and because he ties this song through the second part of it's title (i.e. (A Sadder Song)) to the previous song on the track list, I Like You (A Happier Song), which is definitely about a romantic partner.
Personally, this tie makes me assume that both these songs are about the very same person, the same relationship, showing two sides of a single coin: the good and the bad. Maybe even how the relationship started versus how it felt near the end.
Here are the lyrics for a refresher:
"I Cannot Be (A Sadder Song)" by Post Malone Song Lyrics
[Intro: Post Malone]
Oh, oh, oh, mmm
[Chorus: Post Malone]
How am I free when you hold me so tight?
How can I beam when you blocking my light?
I cannot be what you want me
What you want me, what you want me to be
How can I see when you cover my eyes?
And can I just sleep when I'm so fucking tired?
So tell me right now what you want me
What you want me, what you want me to be
[Verse 1: Post Malone]
Yeah, ooh, what you wanna do is tell me off, no
What you wanna do is fuck me up, ooh
What you not gonna do is top me off
So excuse me for an hour while I love myself
You told me, you'd protect my heart, you'd be my goalie
Thinkin' 'bout the bullshit that you sold me
And I know that I ain't perfect, but you so mean
We were homies
You trip me up just to watch me fall
Smoke another cigarette, wash the last one down
So down, down, 'til I'm flat on my face
You're the reason why I get so high
[Chorus: Post Malone]
How am I free when you hold me so tight?
How can I beam when you blocking my light?
I cannot be what you want me
What you want me, what you want me to be
How can I see when you cover my eyes?
And can I just sleep when I'm so fucking tired?
So tell me right now what you want me
What you want me, what you want me to be
[Verse 2: Gunna]
Got a custom diamond ring and no, he don't got a wife
Got a large amount of things, I can't total the price
I told her I don't need her, she can leave out my life (Life)
You only get one try, but if it's lit, we go twice (Twice)
Uh, pull up in a hard top, it's a drop-top (Top)
Told you we'd be multimillionaires, why lie? (Lie)
She know I do not care for no pressin' my mind
The federal skeleton on my wrist say prime-time (Time)
How couldn't you just let me be me?
You starting to be measly (Measly)
I couldn't even find out 'cause you leavin' me
You can tell I'm pure, you can feel my energy (Energy)
Really rich, we ain't living free
Got to keep it solid, and we all agree
[Chorus: Post Malone]
How am I free when you hold me so tight?
How can I beam when you blocking my light?
I cannot be what you want me
What you want me, what you want me to be
How can I see when you cover my eyes?
And can I just sleep when I'm so fucking tired?
So tell me right now what you want me
What you want me, what you want me to be
[Outro: Post Malone]
Ooh, ah, ah, ah, ah
My Thoughts on Post Malone's "I Cannot Be (A Sadder Song)"
The song starts out with the chorus playing out.
The feeling the lyrics allude to is an incredibly relatable sentiment that almost all of us have experienced in life: feeling trapped by someone's expectations.
Suffocated by another person wanting something from you or wanting you to be something else entirely that you feel you can't be, or maybe can't even suss out entirely to begin with.
Linkin Park's Numb is always a dead ringer for me for this particular sentiment, although that song sounds more like the pressure to be a certain way is being placed by a parental figure rather than a significant other.
Pertinent lyrics include:
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoesEvery step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)[...]I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like youCan't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of youEvery step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
As these song lyrics so perfectly point out, the struggle in these cases always seems to be between the self and the expectations of the other.
The wanting to be who you are, what you are, and the understanding that the other's expectations will not be met if you are you, rather than the version of yourself that tries to meet their expectations.
This is ridiculously well spelled out in Posty's I Cannot Be chorus:
How am I free when you hold me so tight?
How can I beam when you blocking my light?
I cannot be what you want me
What you want me, what you want me to be
How can I see when you cover my eyes?
And can I just sleep when I'm so fucking tired?
Posty throws all the metaphors at us here to explain how he feels.
Freedom isn't freedom when you're being held too tightly, individuality is unable to shine when someone's figuratively standing in the way, blocking you from beaming, sight isn't possible when someone's covering your eyes.
This creates an exceptional level of exhaustion, no doubt for a person as individualistic as Posty, though it's a relatable experience for anyone who's ever been in this situation, even if they are the type to sacrifice individuality for the greater good.
Feeling like you "should" be a certain way to be able to meet the expectations of another, especially when it's a person who is a big part of your life - no doubt a person you love - is exhausting whether you do or do not try to meet those expectations, because the expectations alone weigh down on you.
And that's if you can even pinpoint exactly what's wanted, which the last two lines of this chorus suggest might not even be the case here:
So tell me right now what you want me
What you want me, what you want me to be
Often when expectations are laid on us, it's in an incredibly vague fashion. We often even feel like a person's expectations are a moving target.
We do what they want, or say they wanted, and they're still unhappy - expecting something different to have been done or more out of us than they initially requested.
Feeling exhausted just thinking about this? You've probably been there yourself and completely understand Posty's position.
The second verse contains the evidence that this song is about a person Posty's in a romantic relationship with.
So I'm actually going to jump into that now and then go back to the first verse with the assumption that he's talking about a girlfriend:
Got a custom diamond ring and no, he don't got a wife
This lyric makes it sound like Posty bought a custom diamond ring, essentially proposed to his girlfriend/the woman he was with, and either got shot down or something happened after the two were engaged leading to the "don't got a wife" bit.
So an ex-girlfriend who was almost a fiancee, or a girlfriend who was a fiancee but never became his wife - maybe Ashlen Diaz?
No idea but definitely someone he had a serious relationship with, as he bought a ring, but never got married to her, and he was with Ashlen for three years before they broke up.
Got a large amount of things, I can't total the price
Money flex, not much to say here ;)
I told her I don't need her, she can leave out my life (Life)
You only get one try, but if it's lit, we go twice (Twice)
Here I'm assuming they fought, he told her to leave if she wants. That second line sounds like he's saying, you get one shot at a relationship with me, but if it's a great relationship, we "go twice" maybe means we get married? That's my best shot at an interpretation.
Uh, pull up in a hard top, it's a drop-top (Top)
Told you we'd be multimillionaires, why lie? (Lie)
Sounds like this song is about Ashlen Diaz to me from this line, because she was with him before he was famous and here he's saying "told you we'd be multimillionaires" (obviously after a flex about pulling up in a convertible).
She know I do not care for no pressin' my mind
The federal skeleton on my wrist say prime-time (Time)
How couldn't you just let me be me?
You starting to be measly (Measly)
I couldn't even find out 'cause you leavin' me
You can tell I'm pure, you can feel my energy (Energy)
Really rich, we ain't living free
Got to keep it solid, and we all agree
This is the complicated bit, one which I've grouped together because I find it hard to untangle.
That bit about "I do not care for no pressin' my mind" - it seems as though the girlfriend in this particular situation was stressing him out, maybe nagging about something or another, and he hated it.
The bit about "federal skeleton on my wrist say prime-time" - I'm guessing is just referring to an expensive watch.
And then he interjects asking why she couldn't just let him be. But the fact that we're talking a lot about expensive purchases here and the next line is "You starting to be measly" - which I assume means she's starting to be frugal, cheap, or miserly - reluctant to spend money, and it's cramping his style because he likes to live big/spend a lot.
He outright states that she's leaving him, points out that his energy is pure, then says that while they're really rich, they're not living free, and then dives back into having to keep it solid.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that revelatory bits here suggest maybe his relationship with his girlfriend (again I would assume Ashlen Diaz because it fits), started to really decay because he was spending so much, much more than he made (in Reputation he even admits to his heavy debt), and she tried to reel in the no doubt shopping addiction, and he felt suffocated by the constraint.
Either way, jumping to the first verse, they seemed to have argued a lot (as almost all couples do, totally normal):
Yeah, ooh, what you wanna do is tell me off, no
What you wanna do is fuck me up, ooh
Not quite sure about the meaning of these next two lines:
What you not gonna do is top me off
So excuse me for an hour while I love myself
Though I assume they mean, what she's not going to be able to do is - well bedroom things - with him, and he's going to "take care of that" on his own ("love myself" being a very obvious euphemism for jack himself off).
The first verse goes into the feelings of betrayal he felt in the relationship:
You told me, you'd protect my heart, you'd be my goalie
Thinkin' 'bout the bullshit that you sold me
And I know that I ain't perfect, but you so mean
We were homies
You trip me up just to watch me fall
He feels like she promised to look out for him, to protect him, defend him, stand by his side, but that it was bullshit and lies.
That he knows he's made mistakes, but that she's cruel to him, and while they were really close, that now she purposefully goes out of her way to cause him turmoil and pain.
Smoke another cigarette, wash the last one down
So down, down, 'til I'm flat on my face
You're the reason why I get so high
He smokes cigarettes, then I assume "wash the last one down" refers to drinking to follow up the cigarettes.
Drinks until he's flat on his face, and then says she's the reason why he gets so high.
There's obviously a lot more to this relationship - and the toxicity within it - that could be put into words, and whether I interpreted the lyrics correctly is completely up for debate.
But either way, this feeling of betrayal, of not measuring up to a loved one's expectations, of the overwhelming feeling of feeling trapped and suffocated by what someone else wants from you is so easy to relate to in this song, it's almost impossible for these sentiments to not be understood.
Maybe Posty's sharing a part of why he feels his relationship with Ashlen ended, maybe this song has nothing to do with her, either way - it's a masterpiece in encapsulating that feeling of being drowned by another's expectations.
